SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on United
Airlines. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John,
seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied'
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SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your
ticket, not your stub.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been
waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR -- A college teacher reminds
her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate
any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death
in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand.'
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Two bonus extras:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas
cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
...He never heard the shot…….
Hope I made you laugh or gave you a smile today!
