So sorry I haven't been around much to answer comments. I've been real busy but will try and get around today to answering them. I have to go to town later to buy groceries and I have to go to the eye doctor and get a new nose pad put on my glasses. The other day it rained like crazy and I was out in it. I came in and my glasses did not feel right. I looked and one of the nose pads had broke off so I took them to the eye doctor. He was not in so his wife fixed it for me. She could not get the other one off to fix it so I have to go in today so he can do it so they will match. She said she couldn't get it to snap off and she was afraid of breaking my glasses. That would be bad cuz I cannot see without them. Everything is one big blur.
Boy isn't this weather beautiful? I just LOVE the Fall!! It is my absolute favorite time of the year.I love it when the trees start turning colors. Some of them are so pretty. Well I guess I ought to get going and getting ready to go to town and then I'll try and catch up with you all later. Have a great day everyone!!

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied... "The balcony."

(Poor guy. . .OUCH!!)

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"

"No."

A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.

"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.

"That's not my dog."

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Born free... taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I've ever made.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

If, a two letter word for futility.

I don't care, I don't have to.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

All men are idiots ... I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!

If something goes without saying, LET IT!

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?

I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Hang up and drive.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me.

I have the body of a god... Buddha!

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

If you don't like the news, go out and make your own.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.