The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.

The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.

A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.

Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.

Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.

I love this song!
Song is in comment section.

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER : Winnie, name an important thing we have today, we didn't have 10 years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Well today is Monday and boy do I hate Mondays!

I got up to get coffee and what did I do? I spilled coffee all over and when I got it cleaned up,I went to turn on the light in the other room and the damn light blew out. Oh yeah this day is starting off real good......NOT! I am real grumpy today. I hurt. Yesterday stupid me had my hands full of magazines and I tried climbing over the doggie gate. My shoe caught on the gate and I fell pulling down the gate. I fell on my tailbone and I am so sore now.I can't sit real long. It will take a little while before I feel better.I'm such a damn Klutz......Geeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!!!! I think it must have done something to my back too as my back is hurting and my neck hurts too. I'm no spring chicken anymore so it's gonna take a little time to feel better. I need to see about getting a gate that swings open and shut. The one we have now you have to take down everytime and then lock it back in place and it gets to be a real pain so stupid me thought I'd climb over it and look what happened. I'll probably be sore for a little while but I feel better moving around instead of sitting. I need to go to town today to pick up Ray's medicine and I need to clean house as well. I sure hope your day is going better than mine. Have a good one!