I saw this on A&E last night and was saying, "How the HELL does he do that?" I cannot get over the things he does.....awesome!!



Wouldn't you LOVE to own this chopper?

It's amazing what a wife can get by just asking ... Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is???!!!"

Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some
Texans up here who are causing problems... They're swinging on the
Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead
of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and picante sauce all over
everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the
chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and
cowboy hats instead of their halos. They refuse to keep the stairway to
Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of
Wisdom. There are watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over
the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they
insist on bringing their horses with them."

The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of
my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says,
"Hello---hold on a minute." When he returns to the phone the Devil says,
"O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you? "

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kinds of problems you are
having down there with the Texans."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."
After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. "I'm
back. Now what was the question?"

Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with
the Texans?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on." This time the
Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says, "I'm sorry
Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those Texans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning."



Have a great day everyone. I am going to be cleaning house today. I hope all the fathers out there had a nice Father's Day yesterday! I'll try and catch up with you all later.

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:


Once upon a time

~~~~~~~~

in a land far away,

~~~~~~~~

a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess

~~~~~~~~

happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.

~~~~~~~~

The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me."

~~~~~~~~

One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am

~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry

~~~~~~~~

and set up housekeeping in your castle

~~~~~~~~

with my mother,

~~~~~~~~

where you can prepare my meals,

~~~~~~~~

clean my clothes, bear my children,

~~~~~~~~

and forever feel

grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~

That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't freakin think so.

And she lived happily everafter!

the end



HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS ON BLOGSTREAM!!